A Random Thought

 Hey, This is me, who often avoid to talk with myself. Here, I want to promise myself to live life on what my inner guts says. Hithertoo, most of the time I used to think a lots on lots of things that always prevented too feel myself. This feel burden to me to act always or do things what outer constrainment compelled to do so. I know, i broke promises even made to myself. But ultimately it prevent me only to know what it feels to live real life happening and breaking all the boundaries that outer worlds shapes you. I'm going to get one year more year older. When I retrospect my spend lives, it seems that my whole reflexivity was in accordance to the forces which shaped my subjectivity and the realised response or act to these forces. All want to see me with their eyes, and I responded accordingly. Over the time it hollowed me from inside. But this is really frustrating and painstaking to live like this. I'm introvert but want to break all barriers. I know my communication skill is also poor but I can convey to me through feeling. Though, I know the barrier of language in unequal society and power relation. But I want to develop my own language, at least for me. I want a world where Words and Worlds remains no longer opposite. 

Though my first priority is to feel what it feels to live like you wish. Though it is hard to survive. But my experiences teaches me that it is only you who can feel you. No one or things around you is going last long. Nothing is permanent. You are your own teacher, guide and mentor. And the life is a journey, a great many people comes and go far away. What remains is you and memory of your past. It is hard to survive all learnings but I've to accept it. I want the jouney of life as i wanted to be.